The wonders of modern medicine

So, more money spent to confirm what I already know. First of all I pay out £10 to Her Majesty's Constabulary for the privilege of being told I've never been caught, and now it's £25 quid for an optician to tell me I can't see out of my left eye...something I was vaguely aware of in the first place.

Mind you, it is amazing to realise how much methods have changed over the years. It seems now that they can judge the level of your eyesight from sound alone! At least that's what I am assuming - the optician in question covered my right eye, the good one, and asked me to read off a chart reflected in a mirror. Standard stuff you might assume but apparently she couldn't quite judge just how defective that eye was, so she asked me to stand up, walk three paces, turn around, and read the letters off the lightboard. She then deduced from the clatter of expensive instruments as I fell over a table that I really can't see anything at all out of my left eye. An innovative but slightly expensive technique I would have thought!

Then there's the report my wife had to get from the doctor's to testify to a minor operation she had 18 years ago. Another £10, this time just to press the print button on a computer it seems, to produce a copy of her medical record. Having dropped the request into the doctor's surgery last Friday, she was informed by Attila the Receptionist to "phone on Monday and check if it's available".

On phoning on Monday as instructed, she was politely informed that they had been too busy to deal with the request as they had "lots of NHS patients and they come first". Oh aye? Firstly, as a contributing member of the British population, I thought she was an NHS patient, and secondly, doesn't paying money then elevate you to the ranks of the private patient, who jumps the queue merely by virtue of the fact that you are paying? Seems like double standards to me, but then again, even Ivan the terrible wouldn't offend this receptionist!

Anyway, the medical history was duly picked up this morning and read with interest....particularly the bit that stated that Mrs Chipshaker had had her varicose veins removed last June. Now this is remarkable for two reasons......

1) she's only 38 and therefore perhaps a little young for the condition, and
2) she has no recollection whatsoever of anything leading up to the diagnosis, or of ever having been present whilst the operation was done!

Isn't it amazing what they can do with keyhole surgery these days!!

For some reason, on hearing of this remarkable and somewhat improbable event I immediately thought of the Monty Python sketch set in the Zulu wars, where the frightfully British bloke was lying on the bed, minus his leg, and the doctor says "Well, this is nothing to worry about, there's a lot of it about - probably a virus"

A upa ne ka upa ne